One aspect of caregiving that deserves high praise is the ability of caregivers to adapt to the reality of a loved one's declining physical condition, without becoming deeply discouraged.
Successes in elder caregiving are often hard-won. Recovery from pneumonia, broken hips, skin infections, and surgery require daily regimens of care over long periods of time. The task requires a high degree of caregiver self discipline and endurance. It is normal and natural to feel a great sense of accomplishment and liberation when a healing process is complete. On some unconscious level, there is the automatic expectation that "Ok, we've come through another difficult time. Everything's going to be fine now."
This instinctive expectation is wrong. It is not confirmed by the experience of caring for someone in the last stage of life. There is no escape from the reality of a physical body that is wearing out. Everything may be fine after recovery from an illness or injury . . . but only for awhile. Systems continue to weaken and fail with increasing acceleration. There is no "long term fix" for the body's decline. There is only the short term patching and mending, to maximize brief episodes of well being.
The care I have given my mother is marked with many a slowly realized recovery followed quickly by another demanding health challenge. She rebounded from a stroke that was followed in succession by a spontaneous leg fracture, stressful dental work, and cellulitis that developed from a small scratch. Experiences like these can dampen a caregiver's outlook.
If you are caring for an older person to the end of life, please take time to check your perspective. If your instinctive expectations for each healing and recovery are too high, the impact of setbacks will be too great. For your own welfare, try to overcome this aspect of human nature and set your expectations on a more realistic plane.
