Build A Bed Rail for An Elder Parent

Mama was very weak when she was discharged from the hospital.  She had no awareness that she couldn't walk at all.  It was a near certainty that she would fall if she tried to get out of bed by herself.  Bed rails seemed to be an answer to this hazardous situation.

I explored the possibilities and found hospital beds which have built-in safety rails and various styles of bed rails that can work with conventional beds.  These choices looked like they would work, but they were expensive - $160 plus for the rails and much more for new and used hospital beds.  This seemed like a major investment for a need that hadn't been clarified and might be temporary.

For the short term, I have constructed bed rails from materials found at a local home improvement store at a cost of about $60.  (See photo below) These rails are made from 1 inch PVC pipe and with cemented joints.  They are attached to posts of the bed frame by U-bolts, the rough ends of which are capped with plastic caps to protect Mama from scrapes and scratches.  They provide just enough of a barrier and reminder to prevent Mama's getting out of bed without assistance. Coupled with a good quality audio monitor, the rails create a system that gives me some warning  that she's awake and ready to get up.

The rails could also be constructed as a stand-alone,  four-sided structure that is entirely external to the bed.  They are not recommended for really strong, aggressive people who could possibly stress them beyond their breaking point.  More construction details can be provided upon request.

Do-it-Yourself Bedrails

Early Alzheimer's - A Solution for Repetitive Questions

The early Alzheimer's behavior that agitated me the most was Mama's repetitive questions. Every morning, she would ask the same ones over and over. If I came within earshot, I would hear, "Have I had my blood pressure medicine?" "Is somebody here with me today?" "Have I had breakfast?" I would answer every question, helping her get her bearings for the day. Immediately, the information was lost to her , and the questions would start again. I would respond until irritation and impatience overcame me. Mama couldn't retain the answers, no matter how many times they were repeated. After months of this frustrating routine, I sadly began to ignore the questions, post written notes all over her room, and reduce our contact.

One morning, I awoke with an inspiration - "I'll find a simple recorder that Mama can operate, and I will record the information that she seeks every day. She can play the messages as often as she likes." I tried an old recorder I had used at work. It was too complicated. Mama would mistakenly erase recordings or turn off the volume. I looked in toy stores and searched the web. There were no recorders that were simple enough for my purpose.

This is how I became a part-time inventor, working with generous designers and manufacturers who helped me produce The Kind Reminder™. It is a simplified recorder worn as a pendant. Just press the one big, visible button to hear a comforting message in a familiar voice. Learn about The Kind Reminder™ here, and see the You Tube video.

Anxiety about her safety and whereabouts seemed to be at the root of Mama's repetitive questions. She had a recurring impulse "to get things straight", as she put it. The Kind Reminder™ provided reassuring information on demand and created a buffer between our emotional selves. When she would start with the questions, I could choose to refer her to my recording. She seemed to take pride in getting the answers by herself. Sometimes the message that calmed her was as simple as "I love you Mom".

Family Benefits From Mama's Long Life

I have been realizing lately how fortunate my children, my brother, and I are to know Mama in her nineties. We can look at her life in its fullness, with nearly all of the story written. We can see the way she approached challenges and changes as each new stage unfolded and compare our own outlooks. We can admire her good health habits, her commitment to look her best, her calm in the face of trying times.

As each of us experiences more of life, we gain a clearer picture of who Mama is. Her enduring enthusiasm and humor are distinctive, uncommon, characteristics. Her essence remains, though short term memory and judgment decline. She still has the impulse to help, to be patient, to not burden or inconvenience. She is still motivated to brush her hair and put on lipstick and jewelry, before going out to greet the world. I watch her and wonder, "How much is she like her mother, her grandmother, and their ancestors? Is it even possible that she could be very different from those women who have passed along temperament and manner for centuries? Which of these family traits have become my own?"

Her recollections surface spontaneously from as far back as childhood in the 1920s. Her adult grandchildren travel back in time to see her cooking doughnuts,in a pot of hot oil, with only her little sister as a helper. They see her at the prom in an organza dress that wilted in the heat of a crowded ballroom. They listen to her energetic piano playing - the "Battle Hymn of the Republic" signaling her best friend to come over and play. These stories are magical, vivid replays of moments that reveal Mama's essence. Our family values them like fine jewels. We see ourselves reflected in these stories and know the meaning of an unbroken family circle.

Caregiver Challenge - Switching Gears

Managing a parent's care at home deeply involves one's consciousness. The commitment can crowd out other aspects of life. I assumed I could do whatever was necessary to take care of Mama. It was a long time before I realized the scope of the job and the risk to my own well-being.

A multitude of tasks is not the only demand on a caregiver. An ever-present sense of responsibility is another. It becomes an undercurrent of daily life, rippling through other relationships and activities. Concerns about Mama are never far away - "Did I tell the nursing assistant that moving her right arm is painful? Did I leave enough supplies? Will Mama stay safely in the chair when someone is preparing breakfast?"

Caring for another in any form means sacrifice. One enduring question is "How much sacrifice?". Initially, I thought taking care of Mama would be temporary. She is in her nineties. She had been hospitalized. A welcome surprise has been her return to good physical health. I realize now that my role is for the "long-term", and that my life will be re-structured.

A daily challenge is how to switch gears between care giving and other life pursuits. I often sit at my desk, feeling the adrenalin draining away after an intense care giving episode. I need to decompress before I can get back to work. When I'm attending a meeting, a phone call from home can rip me from the moment and plant me instantly in the care giving universe. These disruptive transitions can't be eliminated, but there are ways to improve them:

1. Give more thorough guidance to substitute caregivers and rely on them.
2. Set up an emergency person (spouse, adult child, etc.) for specific short periods and turn off the phone.
3. Rejuvenate regularly through friends, entertainment, and physical activity. It won't happen unless I plan it.
4. Accept myself as the "good enough" caregiver, not the perfect one.