Managing a parent's care at home deeply involves one's consciousness. The commitment can crowd out other aspects of life. I assumed I could do whatever was necessary to take care of Mama. It was a long time before I realized the scope of the job and the risk to my own well-being.
A multitude of tasks is not the only demand on a caregiver. An ever-present sense of responsibility is another. It becomes an undercurrent of daily life, rippling through other relationships and activities. Concerns about Mama are never far away - "Did I tell the nursing assistant that moving her right arm is painful? Did I leave enough supplies? Will Mama stay safely in the chair when someone is preparing breakfast?"
Caring for another in any form means sacrifice. One enduring question is "How much sacrifice?". Initially, I thought taking care of Mama would be temporary. She is in her nineties. She had been hospitalized. A welcome surprise has been her return to good physical health. I realize now that my role is for the "long-term", and that my life will be re-structured.
A daily challenge is how to switch gears between care giving and other life pursuits. I often sit at my desk, feeling the adrenalin draining away after an intense care giving episode. I need to decompress before I can get back to work. When I'm attending a meeting, a phone call from home can rip me from the moment and plant me instantly in the care giving universe. These disruptive transitions can't be eliminated, but there are ways to improve them:
1. Give more thorough guidance to substitute caregivers and rely on them.
2. Set up an emergency person (spouse, adult child, etc.) for specific short periods and turn off the phone.
3. Rejuvenate regularly through friends, entertainment, and physical activity. It won't happen unless I plan it.
4. Accept myself as the "good enough" caregiver, not the perfect one.
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